


Wait, You Have A Kid?

by Rhymefire



Series: Soldiers and Engineers [3]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Adorable Orphans, Engie with anger issues, Manipulative Shepard, Pickpockets, Shepard has no social skills, it's kind of rude, maybe don't follow your sister?, shitty babysitters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-18
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-06 10:54:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13409742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhymefire/pseuds/Rhymefire
Summary: There's always a risk when following someone. What Garrus didn't expect was to find out was that the Commander's sister has an adopted turian child. The Commander didn't expect that either.





	1. Maybe Don't Follow Your Sister

Jane bounced on her toes a little and looked around the communications room. It was stupid. There was no reason for a military ship to have a communications room. Oh no, she knew a trap when she saw one. This whole ship was a trap. It was shiny, pretty and far too comfortable. John knew this, of course. Jane had learned long ago that if she realized something, her brother had probably thought of it at least a week earlier and had already come up with several plans to deal with it. That was his way. Hers was to get mad and throw stuff.

Her brother took point at the head of the table. She stood at his side, looking around disapprovingly at the needlessly fancy room and the gaggle of aliens that stared at her with careful curiosity. The turian and drell were there, but there were also some others. Frankly it shocked her that Cerberus had let John take so many aliens onto his ship. Jane’s eyes landed on a man and woman in Cerberus uniform and she hated them already. There was a quarian, a salarian and an asari in some sort of uniform she didn’t recognize.

John gestured to his crew. “Everyone, this is my little sister Jane. She’s the engineer that will be installing our ship upgrades. She’ll also be joining my crew.”

“Wait,” the quarian said. “You have a sister?”

“Nice,” Jane drawled. “Real nice, John. Nice. Also, I never said I’d join. I’m just upgrading shit, okay?”

Her brother’s brow furrowed. The woman in Cerberus uniform stepped forward. “I’m Miranda,” she said. “I’m his second in command and you will not be joining his crew. We can’t afford to take on someone with no military training.”

Jane laughed. “Lady, I grew up in military ships. I can handle myself, okay? And it’s nice that my brother is so great that he lets janitors in on his fancy crew meetings, but don’t get ahead of yourself. We all know that the military one is the second in command.”

John cleared his throat. “I assume you’re talking about Garrus.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Jane turned back to Miranda. “Shoo. Go back to the hellpit you spawned from you Cerberus bitch be-“

“You realize,” John said, “that if you stop to yell at every Cerberus personnel you see, you’ll never make it to the drive core?”

Jane rolled her eyes. “Can I hit them with sticks on my way over?”

“You don’t have a stick,” John said.

“You never let me have any fun. Look, I get that these Cerbie bitches are a means to an end and whatnot, but if she talks to me again I will drop kick her into outer space. So, am I getting a tour of the ship, or what?”

John smiled and shook his head. He linked arms with her and steered her out of the conference room. “She speaks her mind,” he called over his shoulder.

She noted, with a thrill of triumph, that he had spoken matter of factly. Not apologetically in the slightest. As far as she was concerned, that was basically permission to snarl at Cerbie bitches as long as she didn’t go too far.

As her brother showed her around the Normandy, Jane made a show of not looking at any Cerbie bitches. She sneered at the padded chairs. “What is Cerberus worried about,” she asked loudly. “Calloused asses? Scabs on their buttholes?”

“You haven’t changed a bit.” John smiled fondly at her. “Wait till you see my room. It has a fish tank.”

She mimed vomiting. “I hate it already.”

His step faltered slightly. “But you are staying, right? We both know there’s no way you’ll be able to upgrade the ship if you don’t.”

“Yeah, but…” she paused. “Wait, what’s the time?” She checked her omnitool. “Shit, I’ve gotta go.”

“Why?”

Jane hesitated. “Just do.”

* * *

 

Garrus watched Shepard’s sister excuse herself and rush out of the ship. Strange. She’d been so happy to see her brother alive… sort of. She had looked legitimately excited to be joining them, despite her half-hearted protests. Perhaps he still had more to learn about human body language.

Shepard strode up to him. “Did you see that?”

“Yeah, what was that about?”

“I don’t know, but she’s hiding something.” He shook his head. “We’ve never hidden things from each other. We’ve always been close.”

Garrus grinned. “I know that look. What've you got in mind, Commander?”

Shepard smiled briefly. That’s how Garrus found himself and Shepard following Jane through Omega. Shepard really needed to work on his social skills. He could smell the worry exuding from the human.

Jane wound through the crowd. Shepard held up his omnitool and punched in a few commands. “Gives me a transcript of what she’s saying.”

“Why don’t I have one of those?”

“It’s something Jane made for me when I entered training. We’d had a fight about my joining the military.” He gestured at his omnitool. “The program was her apology. She’s not good with words.”

Garrus chuckled. “Think it runs in the family.” Shepard gave him a dry look.

They had entered a market of some sort. Normally, you didn’t follow someone this closely but Jane was a civilian and no match for two trained snipers. Suddenly Jane sighed as a young turian shot towards her. She caught him in a hug. “How’s my grasshopper today?”

The turian looked to be about seven. “I’m okay, mom.”

Garrus not only heard Shepard’s startled intake of breath, he practically felt it. He tapped his omnitool a bit, as though worried it was glitching. He looked at Garrus, as though asking what the heck was going on. He’d never seen his friend look so lost before. He bumped the human with his shoulder, and nodded towards Jane.

Jane looked around, brow furrowed. She knelt so she was at eye level with the child. “Where’s Arysa?”

“Promise you won’t get mad?”

“Katis, what did she do? Wait, did she ditch you?” The boy nodded. “Ugh. Turquoise bitch. Wait, why the fuck are you in the market then?”

“I tried to stay with her just like you said, mom. But she had to go to work and I got as far as the market with her but then she got kind of mad.”

Jane sighed. “Okay, okay. Relax, I get it. Well she’s sure not getting paid.” Katis grinned wildly. “I know that look.” Katis held up a necklace and laughed. Jane whistled. “Damn, kid. Take that off her neck?”

“Yeah.”

The woman laughed and scratched at his crest. “Stealing is wrong, grasshopper, but you’re damn good at it. That’s what she gets for leaving my kid alone in a market.” She pulled the turian into a hug.

Katis scented the air and squirmed a bit. “Mom? What’s wrong?”

“Mommy just had a rough day is all.” She held the child out a bit and rubbed his arms soothingly. She tilted her head back, considering her words. “Remember how I told you about my brother?”

The turian cocked his head. “He’s dead, right?”

She huffed out something that could have been a laugh. “Apparently not. He’s… back. Oh, don’t give me that look.”

“Isn’t that good?”

“Of course! It’s just… hard. He’s got this ship and a crew and he wants me to go off with him to save the galaxy. You know. Just another day for Commander Shepard.”

Katis danced a little. “Cool! Can we go, mom? Please?”

Jane waved her hands a little. “Hold your horses, kid. This isn’t playing. War is dangerous. My brother doesn’t run a cruise ship, he runs something built for battle. Killing. Zapping shit. It’s not going to be this amazing space adventure, okay?”

“But your brother is so cool,” Katis whined.

“He’s an idiot. Just a successful one. There won’t be any other kids there, you know. Not many other turians, either. It’s mostly humans.”

“That’s okay. Please, can we go? I’ll be good, promise.”

Jane sighed and stood up. She gripped her arms tightly. “I don’t know. I’ll think about it over dinner, okay?”

She held her hand out and her child took it. The two walked that way, hand in hand, away into the crowd. Shepard made no move to follow them. He stared after his sister, looking more lost than Garrus had ever seen him. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse. “She adopted?” He looked at Garrus, as though pleading for him to confirm.

He nodded and laid a talon on his friend’s shoulder. “Yeah. Your sister’s a good person. That kid was probably an orphan before she took him in.”

Shepard nodded slowly. “That… is exactly the kind of thing she’d do. She’s always liked to help.”

Garrus bumped the human’s shoulder with his own. “Another thing that runs in the family?”

The human looked bewildered for a moment, then laughed softly. “Yeah. I guess it is.” He rubbed the back of his head. “Let’s head back to the Normandy. She’ll want her own room. One she can share with Katis.”

“Pretty cocky there, aren’t you, Shepard?”

He smiled and shrugged easily. “I just know my sister. That’s all.”


	2. Maybe Don't Slap Your Brother

Jane grabbed a third plate before remembering that Kenn was still on the Normandy. Maybe that was for the best. Omega hadn’t been the right place for the quarian. He was too sweet natured to stay for long, and the place had already been starting to wear him down. What he really needed was to get back to the flotilla. No doubt her brother would see to that. He had a habit of picking up strays.

Thoughts swimming, she took Katis’ dinner out of the fridge and stuck it into the microwave. John had always picked up strays. He’d scoop them up and charm them into liking him. Then he had a team of elite soldiers to use in any situation. He was the only person she knew that could charm someone into leaping through fire.

So why did he want her in that team? She caught a subvocal murmur at the edge of her hearing and turned around. Katis watched her carefully. Jane gave him his dinner with a mock flourish.

“Do you like your brother?” he asked.

“Eat your food.”

Katis made a face at her and she stuck out her tongue at him. Jane left him to eat and wandered into her room.

Sparse furnishings. She’d gotten used to leaving places in a hurry. She looked around for Whuffles, but then again, the varren was on the Normandy too, wasn’t she? “Damn it, John,” she muttered. “Take my varren too? That’s just cold.”

She pulled out a suitcase and set it on her bed. She sat beside it and stared at it. John never wanted her to come on his missions, which had always suited her just fine. Military vessels and her just did not get along. She was way too chaotic to really fit in. Why on earth would he want a spanner all up in his works? She made a face and a mental note to never say that aloud. Too crazy.

If she were to go, she’d need her tools. And her jumpsuit. But what about Katis? She couldn’t leave him behind, not in this shithole. And he certainly couldn’t come along. She knew what it was like growing up on military ships, and it wasn’t something she’d wish on anyone. But her brother had come back from the dead. He needed her. He _really_ needed her.

This whole ship upgrade thing was a ploy. The ship could use some work – _Cerbie bitches_ – but there were other engineers in the galaxy. It didn’t have to be her.

She heard a squeak of excitement. Katis stood in the doorway, mandibles spread wide in a turian grin. “We’re going? I’ll go pack, mom!”

Jane slapped the suitcase, as though it were its fault. “Pack your paints, I don’t know how long this mission will be,” she yelled.

* * *

 

“Commander,” Joker said over the comm. “There’s a very angry lady here and some kid is glued to the window. A little help, here?”

Garrus blinked. He had to see this. He jogged over to the cockpit just in time to see Shepard stroll over. He slowed to let the human catch up to him. “Think she’ll stay?” Garrus asked.

“She brought her kid, didn’t she?” Shepard shook his head. “Damn, I’ve got to get used to that.”

They came into view. Katis had his face pressed against the window. The turian child was adorable, but it was Jane that drew attention. The human woman drew herself up and stormed over to her brother. She jabbed him with a finger. “Look what you’ve done to my kid, asshole. He hears all these ridiculous stories about you and he wants to come along. If he gets hurt on this rustbucket of yours, I’ll rip off your dick, shove it into a blender and make into a smoothie. Then I’m going to feed it to him and to your stupid Cerbie backers and when they say, “MMMMM, what’s in this?” I’ll say anger issues and shitty parenting!”

John pulled the fuming woman into a hug. “Good to see you too, sis.” Then he startled and held her out. “Wait, you have a kid?” He cocked his head as though genuinely puzzled.

Jane’s eyes narrowed. Garrus stepped back instinctively. She drew her hand back and did something Garrus could hardly believe. She slapped Commander Shepard. Garrus started forward to separate them, but a look from his Commander stopped him. The human had let that happen? Why? Interestingly enough, Katis was uninterested in the event. Apparently his adoptive mother slapping someone happened frequently.

John nodded gracefully. “You’re right. I deserved that.”

Jane huffed. “Damn straight, you did. You can’t lie to me, asshole. How long did you know?”

“Garrus and I followed you when you left. I was worried. It scared me when you left so suddenly.”

Jane rolled her eyes. “Do not deflect. You followed me. That’s creepy, John.” She turned to Garrus, eyes flashing. He found himself reflexively reaching for a holstered pistol that wasn’t there. His mandibles drew tight to his face. “And what do you have to say for yourself, huh?”

He shifted slightly. He wasn’t a child to be scolded. She shook a finger at him, as though she’d read his mind. “I was following orders.”

She groaned. “My kid stays,” she announced.

Garrus said, “This’ll be new. I’ve never served on a ship with children aboard.”

Jane’s eyes narrowed again, as though she were trying to figure out how to be offended. “So, why’d you come along? My brother’s an idiot, but what’s your excuse?”

“Someone’s got to keep an eye on him. If I hadn’t gone with him, he’d probably have gotten lost. He’d still be wandering around Omega right now. We’d have to send out search parties.” He had to admit, he was enjoying this.

Her gaze shifted from him to her brother. “That’s so true. He used to get lost whenever we changed ships as kids.”

Shepard sighed. “I don’t know if I can take on both of you. Janey, you might have to stay here.”

She smiled and punched his shoulder. “Dream on, bitch. And I’m getting my own room with just me and Katis. None of that four goons to a room bullshit, got it?”

“I’ve already set it aside.”

She laughed and turned to Garrus. “Cocky bastard, isn’t he?”

He couldn’t help but chuckle and agree.


	3. Seriously, What's Wrong With You Two?

Jane wiped the sweat from her brow and adjusted her grip on her handsaw. Someone tapped politely on the door to her room. She grunted, and the door whooshed open. She recognized the heavy steps and smiled. Her brother settled down beside her and watched her for a moment. “Are you really sawing the bunkbed in half?”

“Bunkbeds,” she said, “are stupid. I’m turning this into two regular beds pronto.”

“Remember when we were kids? You’d always kick the top bunk to wake me up in the morning.”

“You liked it, or you wouldn’t have kept taking top bunk.”

He laughed. “Is sleeping in a bunk bed another thing another thing you swore you’d never do again?”

She set the handsaw down. “Just like living on a military ship.” He bumped her shoulder. “I know, I know. I’m sorry for being such a bitch all the time. I really do want to be here. I’m just pissed at Cerberus. They’ve done terrible shit to you and now they’ve forced you into a position where you have to work with them. I mean, how twisted is that?”

“This is only temporary. The Reapers are a bigger threat than Cerberus could ever be. Even after Akuze. If I can work with them, you can too.” He stood up and held out a hand. “Are you going to come out of this room? We’ve seen more of your kid than you.”

She took his hand and pulled herself up. “Kid’s name is Katis.”

He hesitated for a moment. “So, how did you two meet?”

“He collapsed on my doorstep one night. Half-starved. I took him in and he stuck around. I think his parents were in the Blue Suns. Archangel killed them, so he took to the streets.”

John stiffened. “You might want to keep him away from Garrus, then.”

“Why? Oh my God. Is he Archangel? Oh, of course he is. Of course you’d hire a vigilante space Batman.”

“Batwhat?”

“Oh, it doesn’t matter. Katis practically worships Archangel for killing his parents. From what I’ve heard, they weren’t the nicest.”

Her brother relaxed. “That’s good. It is, right?”

“I dunno. I guess? You’re the famous Commander Dumbass and I’m me. What do we know about a normal life?”

He laughed again and steered her out of her room. She dug her toes in. “Oh, come on Janey. You can’t stay in there forever. Look, not everyone on this ship is Cerberus. All the aliens are on my side.” She gave him a look. “Tell you what, why don’t you start with Garrus? You’ll like him. He’s nice, but he still won’t put up with your shit.”

She shrugged. “Why him? What do you care if I make friends?”

“Because when I died my last thought was that you’d never forgive me for leaving you.”

He said them lightly, as though they were a joke, but they still stabbed into her. She tried to respond in the same lighthearted manner, but was wildly unsuccessful. “Well you didn’t end up leaving after all, did you? You’re right here.” She drew a deep breath to steady herself. “Fine. I’ll start with Garrus.”

“That’s good, because he’s going to teach you how to fight.”

“What.”

“Just the basics. I had to give Miranda something, or she’d never stop complaining about you being here. Besides, some bare handed combat lessons will help you blow off steam. That way I won’t have to worry about you assaulting a crew member.”

“If I say yes, will you get off my case about becoming a social butterfly?”

“Yes.”

“Fine. If I lose.”

“In what?”

She punched him in the shoulder. “A brawl, dumbass! If I lose, I’ll do the training without complaint.”

“Oh, you’ll complain.”

“Yeah, but not as much as I could be.”

He grinned and shook his head.

* * *

 

Half an hour later, Jane stood in the inventory room. Rows of weapons and armour hung on the walls, and someone had thrown large pads onto the floor. A punching bag hung in the corner, but it didn’t look like it had ever been used.

“I’m back,” John said. “And I brought your new fighting teacher.”

Garrus grinned. “Can’t believe I’m about to see two Shepards fight each other.” He eyed her speculatively. “How well can you fight?”

She scoffed at him. “Well enough to kick his ass. Get your scraggly butt in here, John.”

He smiled and took his position. “Ready?”

She nodded. Jane lunged at him. Her world flipped. A biotic field slammed her to the floor and pinned her there. John tucked his hands behind his back and looked down at her.

Garrus laughed. “That’s fighting pretty dirty, Commander.”

He gave the turian an innocent look. “I’ve always used my biotics when Jane and I roughhouse. She’s never complained about it before.”

She spread her hands out in an effort to find the edges of the barrier. “I’m complaining now.”

“Give up?”

“Not on your life.” John and Garrus watched her struggle for a good ten minutes. She had the horrible feeling that the turian was fighting back laughter the whole time. “Okay, fine. I’ll take your stupid lessons. Happy?”

The barrier dissolved and John helped her up. “Delighted.” He propelled her towards Garrus. She slapped his hand away.

“This should be fun,” Garrus said.

She stuck out her tongue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Their brawls are short, but epic.


End file.
